Tuesday, 25 October 2011

It's Time (Also, I Have Shoes Now)

As that totally not-famous, now-deceased body builder known as Zyzz said, you be gettin' jelly and you be 'mirin' (that's getting jealous, and to be admiring, btw). Oh yes, get jelly. For I have shoes. All kneel. But rest assured that, no matter what inspiration the shoes may bring, I will not be gettin' shredded.

(Did poor Zyzz mean for his 1.5 seconds of fame to come via an untimely end in a sauna in Bangkok and the vague ramblings of a blogger who tripped over his non-obituary whilst wasting time at work one day? Probably not. Am I being disrespectful by taking the piss? Perhaps a little. But this is about the shoes, people! The shoes!)


And then be jelly.

Very jelly.

Anyway, I finally fulfilled my 101 Things target of buying sneakers that fit me properly and support my feet.

These puppies.

(Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a photo of your shoe while it's on your foot??)

How much were they? A hundred bucks off, that's how much!

I wanted them in pink, but, as anyone who has seen me barefoot can attest, I have weird feet so my options were rather limited. Some call my feet cute. I'm not sure whether they're just being polite, but I think they kinda are. So don't go bursting my bubble! (I'm also okay with you saying they're weird because, frankly, they are) Anyway, my point is that they didn't have the style I wanted in the wider size left in stock, so they put me in manshoes *pouts*

When I had finished pouting and telling the guy I hadz the sadz (that's almost as grammatically awesome as 'mirin' and jelly!) cos I liked the pink ones, and he still insisted on putting me in green manshoes (which actually aren't all that green, now that I've seen a photo of them, but they seem green) rather than the pink ones a step up or a step down in the range, I realised this guy was committed to putting me in the shoe that was right for my foot. What a trooper to put up with my illogical, girly shoe-sook! So I drank a concrete milkshake and bought them.

They ain't so bad, and they really aren't all that manly. But they ARE comfy. Super comfy! Besides which, being a tree hugger, if I can't have pink shoes then green is the next best choice.

So now that I own them, do you think I use them? Well yes, a little. I've been for a few walks in them but last time ended up with these little tiny flies going up my nose and drowning in my eyeballs, so I realised that it was the time of year to head back to the gym. But I just hadn't really made myself do it. I've been once or twice but I'm always tired/busy/sick... yeah, you got me - lazy.

But now, it's time.

Not because my thighs (actually, knee fat. Everyone hates something about themselves, and that's my pet hate. Just add it to the list of "things that make me a freak") have started jiggling when I walk, which I must say is in itself quite odd because my clothes fit just fine.

Not because I read today that if I exercise regularly then I can eat what I want (YEE-HAH, MOTHERFARKERS!!! Ahem. Actually I kinda already knew that, but it was nice to see some doctory-type person put it in writing).

No, it's because of these.

The shoes! MORE SHOES!!!

Hmm... if anyone happened upon this as their first experience of my blog, they may think, based on my choice of footwear, that I was some sort of butch, lumberjack-esque lesbian with a penchant for manshoes. But I'm not! I may live in manboots or sneakers or thongs 99.99999% of the time, but I very much like boys* (okay, men... but do they ever actually grow up??). And I also very much like pretty, girly shoes. In fact, I have this one truly spectacular pair that I've never worn cos I'm a bit scared of them that are peep toe, enclosed heel, ankle strap, emerald green, ruched satin 4" stilettos with a massive diamante clasp on the front, from Wittners. Oh! I have a picture!

Admire the pretty! The picture really doesn't do them justice.

Also, told you I have weird feet.

Also, that flesh-coloured thing to the far right of the photo is my hand, in case you were having trouble figuring it out. Balancing to take a photo from that angle was HARD!

Also, I do have plans to wear these, possibly to my 30th birthday... plans are a-brewin'... so this isn't going to be one of those total wastes of money. Besides which, I got them on sale. How much were they, you ask? HALF PRICE, THAT'S HOW MUCH!!!

How did I get here??

Oh yeah, lesbian footwear.

Mind you, I must say that whilst the few lesbians I know in person do opt for sensible footwear and show no interest in, and in some cases an aversion to, girly heels, calling it "lesbian footwear" is a bit daft. Plenty of non-lesbians wear sensible manshoes (like myself), and I can think of at least two famous lesbians who wear girly shoes (being Anne Heche and Portia de Rossi) and two who don't (Ellen De Generes and Rosie O'Donnell). I actually dress more like Rosie than any of the rest of them.

How did I get here??

Oh yeah.

It's time.

It's time to exercise because now that I own these boots and have started to break them in, there's no going back. I intend to climb Mount Bogong at Christmas, and I think I speak for most of those within my acquaintance when I say that I would prefer it not to kill me or cause me any kind of Medivac-type situation (I've had enough of those for one lifetime, thankyouverymuchFuerzaAereadelPeru...).

So, eight and a half weeks out, best I be hitting that gym, pounding that pavement and raising my cardio fitness to make the whole thing less stressful for my body, and therefore more enjoyable (and also less likely to kill me).

Anyone wanna come???

Seriously. I have 1 definite yes and 2 maybes. I need something concrete here, people!!! I need at least 2 more definites, 1 of whom needs to be a big, tough male because there's a real chance you may have to carry my lifeless body, or possibly just my stuff when I girl out about it and decide it's just all too hard. Any takers?? Hehe, I make it sound so appealing.

Okay, so if that spiel didn't make you want to give it a go, how about the following:
1. You get to climb Mount Bogong. It's not the biggest mountain in the world but it is the biggest one in Victoria and it's still a decent achievement, and not what I would call easy (I've done it before, from another approach, and I didn't die so that may ease your mind...?)
2. You get to help ME climb Mount Bogong. Cue warm, fuzzy feeling from helping a poor girl who feels that she is crippled by Long QT Syndrome to realise one of her mountain-related dreams (also cue guilt trip... is it working?? ;)
3. You get to work off your Christmas dinner before putting it all back on with a new year's eve drinking binge
4. You get to see a beautiful part of the country.

That's about all the benefits I can think of. But if you're interested, or know anyone who is, give me a hoy.

Right. I'm off to take these shoes off and have a shower. I hit the gym in them this evening and had a reeeeeeally good workout. But you don't need to know how gross and sweaty my weird feet are, do you ;)

*there's a story about that one that involves an awkward conversation with my mother, but that's storytime for another day


  1. I like your new trainers. If you didn't actually say it, it isn't at all apparent that they are man-shoes.

    Sadly for me, wearing man-boots most days has caused my feet to get wider... I never used to have problems buying girly shoes, but I do now!

  2. I've always had trouble but I don't think 5 years in manboots has made much difference. At least, that's what I like to tell myself! Surely they must be better for our feet than squeezing them into heels every day...

  3. Peep-toes are a wardrobe stable now, aren't they? LOVE the post. Scored some great shoe discounts off notanotherfuckingcoupon that had a similar vibe, so it's good to know I'm on the right track for a great shoe wardrobe!

  4. @Hannah, thanks for the tip. I haven't come across that site before but it looks great!


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