100 Days of Awesome: Day Five - The Fault in Our Stars

Considering I got approximately 3.47 hours' sleep last night, today really was pretty darned awesome. 

It started with a brekkie BBQ at work at 6:30am. The time wasn't so great, but the egg n bacon sanga? AWESOME start to the day!

Next, I had to drive an hour to head back to the main office for an audit. This was the reason I was about 4.53 hours short on sleep, by the way - I was fully stressed about it, so I tossed and turned all night. But luckily I'm good friends with the auditor, so despite the audit being boring, as audits generally are, and despite being a bit bummed by an email I got, it was also a pretty AWESOME working day because I got to hang out with a friend at the same time. Multitasking at its best! Well, it was as awesome as audits can be, anyhow. And I actually got a dorky little sense of satisfaction out of it, and now I have a tangible hit list, which feels gooooood. 

Then I got a rock star car park at the train station. AWESOME!!!

Last but not least, I scored a ticket to the preview of The Fault In Our Stars, via Kirsti, via Decoybetty, via Nuffnang. So Kirsti and I sat there an blubbered for about two hours. I've never heard a cinema sound so moist (sorry if you don't like the word "moist", but I happen to feel that it is fairly onomatopoeic and therefore intensely satisfying to use. Moist, moist, moist. Ok, I'm done now!). 

To be honest, I cried waaaay more than Kirsti did. I knew I would. I saw the ad for it a few weeks back when I saw The Other Woman and I identified with the themes right away. To the point that I purchased the book immediately with the intention of reading it, like, yesterday. Of course, it's sitting there, all lonesome-like, while I finish off Annapurna (yeah, I guess I don't really have a "type" of book that I stick to, despite having a few tried and tested favourites) but the intention is to devour it in a single rainy weekend. And it's just as well I saw the movie first, cos now I know that I'll need an entire box of tissues to get through it!

I haven't read any reviews of either the book or the movie of The Fault in Our Stars, nor do I hold much stock in reviews, so I suppose that's somewhat irrelevant. I don't know how well it is written, not having read it (although if the protagonist Hazel Grace's narration is relatively true to the text, then I very much look forward to reading it). And I can't speak for the craft of the filmmakers because I know nothing of it, although it was easy to watch which I suppose let the story and the characters shine. 

But what I can tell you is that the integrity of the story is pretty solid. Thankfully - and may it stay that way - I don't have cancer, nor have I neve watched someone close to me either win or lose a battle with it. I can, however, identify with plenty of the things that Hazel Grace says, two in particular.

The first one that hit me was “I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up". Although the stats aren't actually all that bad for me n my dodgy heart, that's still how I feel. I question why anybody would choose to be with me if they know I could drop dead tomorrow, and the fact that only one man has really tried - and failed - supports it. I don't think I actively push people away, but I doubt that anyone would even try and it feels like I'm too big a risk, and not worth it because of the bad stuff. Except that I know that's stupid. And I'm also a scientist and I do understand that correlation is not causation... but feelings aren't very scientific, are they.

The second was Hazel Grace's description of how she appreciates the time she spends with Augustus Waters:

 

"There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities...There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get...but, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world..."

I think, without even realising it, that I have been applying Hazel Grace's thoughts on infinity to the various people that come into my life and make a difference to me. Oftentimes they are with me for far too short a period before drifting away again for one reason or another, and so I am sad for a time. It occasionally makes me wonder whether the ones for whom it is a conscious choice make that choice because I am a grenade, and they don't realise that not all grenades explode. And I know that's quite egocentric of me to even consider that people choosing to pull back from me has anything to do with them realising how bad losing me would be if they actually cared, but it's either that or my personality that's the problem, and it's much easier on my ego to pin it all on the grenade thing! But grenades and sadness aside, I have learnt to appreciate those smaller infinities. There are a lot of wonderful people in the world, and having even the very shortest time with them is still a great gift. And being able to recognise that gift is pretty AWESOME.

 

So, what awesome things happened to you today? Rock star car park? Free movie tickets? Someone make you laugh unexpectedly?